JEALOUSY JEALOUSY

I think I'm jealous of you.

I think I'm jealous of your free spirit and your ability to live in the moment. I'm jealous of how you can put yourself first and are your own best friend. I'm jealous because I'm not like that, I depend on people. I overthink.

I feel threatened by your ability to be alone when I can not. I'm scared that my future has you placed firmly in it, while for you I'm untethered. I'm scared of you because I'm scared of being left behind and unwanted.

I feel slighted by you because you tell me the truth and you're sure in your convictions. I'm scared of you because you reflect my insecurities back at me, raising them to the surface and painfully pointing out my faults in your self-assurance.

I fear that my obsessions become faults in your eyes.

I feel threatened by you because you are everything that I am not, everything that I hope to be and everything I fear I will not become.

I'm defensive around you because you know how to strike me where it hurts.

I'm frustrated with you because you push me away time and time again. I'm resentful of you because you don't confide in me the way that I do.

I used to think I understood you but I feel the furthest from you.

I'm afraid of you because I bared my soul but I don't feel understood. I resent you because I want to be needed the way that I need you.

I'm scared because I don't think I'm good enough for you, and that you have realised it too. I'm scared of you because I think the more you know of me the less you like.

I'm conflicted because I can't tell whether this is just my mind playing tricks and crafting truths.