It's been quite a hectic month for me so far ('Mayhem May', as Elise and I coined it). I put off more assignments than I should've so I've been spending my time writing those instead (I sound like all the YouTubers I used to be obsessed with when they didn't upload their weekly videos). Anyway, I'm back to recount a chaotic 36 hours of my life last week that somewhat encapsulates the rollercoaster that is my (very) early twenties.
Thursday the 11th of May begins much like any other day in my life. My alarm blares loudly in my ear and I snooze it for half an hour. I stumble out of bed and get ready for my day, in a rush, in fact, I have now perfected the art of getting ready in 10 minutes. I run out the door with my jar of overnight oats, because it's much easier to eat on the go. I take the bus up to uni and attend my 9am, not really paying much attention, instead, I subscribed to the New York Times to gain access to the crossword. After, I go to the library, where I write an introduction to the essay due in a week that I haven't started. Then, it's off to work because I have new responsibilities and thus a magazine article to write (subtle brag). I go home, stuff my face with leftover falafel and rice, and chat shit with my flatmates until off I go again, back to work for drinks.
This is where my day takes quite a turn. In the office, margaritas are being made and I am downing them. Everyone is tipsy and quite frankly it is lots of fun. We all stumble off to Rosie's and I proceed to drink many more frozen margaritas (free, might I add). I'm spilling my deepest secrets, my random thoughts and everything in between, alongside being confronted with future plans (much to think about). Next stop, the karaoke bar! I'm up singing (screeching) ABBA, Taylor Swift is blaring and everyone is dancing. It's one of those nights where time doesn't exist because somehow I blink and it's midnight. Some people tap out, but us three youngest are not ready for the night to end. After a couple hours of god knows what (I honestly can't remember), we stuffed our faces with chips and ubered home.
I set 15 alarms because I have to be up in approximately three hours for my flight back to Hamilton. At 7am I woke up to Maddie saying "Um, wasn't your flight at 6:30"? Fuck, my first ever missed flight, after panicked phone calls to my parents, I booked myself a flight to Auckland and a bus to Hamilton. I stumble out of bed, trying to ignore the fact I am not feeling good. Somehow (honestly don't know how I did it), I make it to the airport and immediately buy a bottle of ice-cold water and a fruit cup (the only thing that I think I can stomach).
I'm slumped on the floor outside my gate, regretting all of the decisions that led me up to this point. My boss has texted me to make sure I got home safely. I've texted and called some of my friends to update them on my ordeal. Opposite, there's a woman meditating. Finally, the boarding call is announced, but I feel so unwell. To spare the gruesome details, I became acquainted with a rubbish bin off to my right, with everyone in line privy to my loss of dignity. A stop to the bathroom, a litre of water and a couple breath mints meant somehow I made it on the plane.
At least I felt better, as one tends to after publically puking, the flight went by rather smoothly, but by the time we landed, I was back in a state of perpetual illness. I lay on the floor outside the airport terminal (aka at the intercity bus stop) and tried to hold it together. I got on the bus, one hand carrying my bags, the other carrying an airplane sick bag that a lovely flight attendant had given me. Normally, I am not a girl who can nap, but believe me, I went straight to sleep, for almost the entire journey.
When I eventually made it home (by some fucking miracle), I needed to eat (at this point, my nap had saved me, I felt better and capable of somewhat functioning). I dumped my left-over chips (from the night before that I had dutifully carried with me) into the air fryer. Subsequently, I burned my hand and dropped the chips all over the floor, so I just sat down and ate them from the ground. By the time I crawled into bed, I was more than ready to rot away for the rest of the day. It was time to go to sleep in order to wake up and do it all again the next day at Saskia's 21st.
It wouldn't be me without a few existential thoughts so here's what this ordeal made me think about.
Contrary to this story, I am not much of a party girl. I have tried to force myself to be, but I just am not. Whilst there are parts I love about drinking, going out and dancing, so often I would rather be at home. The most fun I have is at pre's, quiet nights in that turn ridiculous (or honestly, just a quite night in), going out for dinner or drinks, games nights where we drink sangria, drinking wine on the balcony in the middle of summer or dancing in the living room to 2000's music. That to me is always more fun than getting hammered every Saturday night to the point my Sunday is a write-off, or going into town and being trapped next to hundreds of sweaty people in the early hours of the morning.
I have learnt that about myself over the years, that despite the social expectations, I just don't love to party. This makes it sound like I have a handle on myself, that I know what I like, dislike and when to say no and when to say yes. But I absolutely do not.
How do you balance what you want? I know that I don't love to go out, but in this case, I went out and had the MOST fun. Yes, I felt like shit the next day, but I am so thankful that I went despite some previous reservations. Sometimes I make myself go out and it's fun, other times I make myself and it sucks ass.
How do I put myself first? How do I know what I am supposed to do in order to put myself first? What does that even mean? How do I figure that out? Am I even supposed to figure it out, or is it human nature?
Anyway, just some food for thought that has barely been expanded on xoxo,
I've got to get back to prepping for a test next week which I should've been doing instead of this, but well, this is more fun!!
Okay, love you lots <33
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